The Start of Something

11 Dec

The first post of a blog is a lot like the first day of kindergarten. If you poop yourself on the first day, that stigma might very well stick with you until high school. Heck, I still remember Alex “Pooper” Cooper. On the other hand, if you fly into your first class on a dragon – or at the very least break out Gushers during snack time – you’ll have social capital gold until middle school, and well after, especially if you develop early from puberty. My point is the first post sets the tone for everything you publish in the future. Deliver the goods and you’ll receive loyalty and accolades. Shit yourself and that dank stank will linger. So let’s hope my mom packed me a Lunchable (and a “I love you” note).

A very reasonable question to ask at this point is: what am I trying to do here? Unfortunately, most blogs are utterly self-indulgent. The girl from Julie and Julia… Yes, I saw it. I wish I hadn’t. Not because it’s a chick flick. I love The Notebook. As a good friend once said, “If you have any speck of humanity, you’ll love this movie”… Anyway, why I hated Julie and Julia. The protagonist is the epitome of everything that is wrong with blogs. She is a whiny, weak person who is solely validated by the fact that other people read her web entries. Blogs like this are simply masturbation. It feels good for the actor, but unless you are a celebrity, nobody wants to see it. I cannot promise that this blog will be free of self-indulgence. But I truly hope this is not an exercise in egotism.

What’s worse than a lobster on your piano? A crab on your organ (Joke courtesy of Mohel’s dad)

From a certain standpoint, I am a part of this blog because I fully expect it to produce fame and riches. This blog will be bigger than Google and Facebook combined (I’ve already registered the domain name That and because, hey you never know). I will be wealthier than Bill Gates, have a two-minute monologue on the next Kanye album, and be better endowed than both Harvard and Visanthe Shiancoe. These are modest dreams.

Visanthe's "Purple People Eater"

But I guess the real answer to this question of purpose is that I love writing and the world is filled with a lot of ridiculousness worth pondering. I want to debate the merits of films that star professional athletes. I am very interested in the possibility (and the likely terror or, let’s be honest, monotony) of a universe filled with self-aware Prii (for you world haters, that’s the plural of Prius). Is my green your green? These burning topics demand scholarly attention. And of course, there is also the desire to improve my writing, to entertain an audience, to make people smile and laugh and think and occasionally guffaw. Then again, if you guys don’t bleed from your eyes, I’ll consider it a win.

They're coming.

If you like basketball and detest foreskins, I think you’ve found your man.

– Adonal Mohel


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