Archive | Week 01: Purpose RSS feed for this section

What’s with the blog?

11 Dec

Hello there. And welcome to The Humble Rumble, a blog.

If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance that you know the writers of this blog personally (Hi Aunt Diane!!). And, if you don’t, there’s a good chance you made a typo in your Google search. Either way, you’re here now, and so you’re probably wondering…

“What are they doing?”

and

“Why?”

For now, the “what” is simple: This is a competition (a rumble if you will) between three writers (who are all–naturally–quite humble). Here’s how it works:

  • Each week, we’ll have a different topic or prompt.
  • We’ll each respond in whatever way we see fit.
  • You read the entries and vote on your favorite.
  • The winner gets whatever we’ve collected in monetary donations.

As for the “why” …well, that’s slightly more complicated. Luckily, it looks like our first prompt might help us answer that very question…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Week #1: Purpose

Why are you starting a blog?

Let the rumble begin…

Advertisements

The Start of Something

11 Dec

The first post of a blog is a lot like the first day of kindergarten. If you poop yourself on the first day, that stigma might very well stick with you until high school. Heck, I still remember Alex “Pooper” Cooper. On the other hand, if you fly into your first class on a dragon – or at the very least break out Gushers during snack time – you’ll have social capital gold until middle school, and well after, especially if you develop early from puberty. My point is the first post sets the tone for everything you publish in the future. Deliver the goods and you’ll receive loyalty and accolades. Shit yourself and that dank stank will linger. So let’s hope my mom packed me a Lunchable (and a “I love you” note).

A very reasonable question to ask at this point is: what am I trying to do here? Unfortunately, most blogs are utterly self-indulgent. The girl from Julie and Julia… Yes, I saw it. I wish I hadn’t. Not because it’s a chick flick. I love The Notebook. As a good friend once said, “If you have any speck of humanity, you’ll love this movie”… Anyway, why I hated Julie and Julia. The protagonist is the epitome of everything that is wrong with blogs. She is a whiny, weak person who is solely validated by the fact that other people read her web entries. Blogs like this are simply masturbation. It feels good for the actor, but unless you are a celebrity, nobody wants to see it. I cannot promise that this blog will be free of self-indulgence. But I truly hope this is not an exercise in egotism.

What’s worse than a lobster on your piano? A crab on your organ (Joke courtesy of Mohel’s dad)

From a certain standpoint, I am a part of this blog because I fully expect it to produce fame and riches. This blog will be bigger than Google and Facebook combined (I’ve already registered the domain name faceboogle.com. That and ODonnellObama2012.com because, hey you never know). I will be wealthier than Bill Gates, have a two-minute monologue on the next Kanye album, and be better endowed than both Harvard and Visanthe Shiancoe. These are modest dreams.

Visanthe's "Purple People Eater"

But I guess the real answer to this question of purpose is that I love writing and the world is filled with a lot of ridiculousness worth pondering. I want to debate the merits of films that star professional athletes. I am very interested in the possibility (and the likely terror or, let’s be honest, monotony) of a universe filled with self-aware Prii (for you world haters, that’s the plural of Prius). Is my green your green? These burning topics demand scholarly attention. And of course, there is also the desire to improve my writing, to entertain an audience, to make people smile and laugh and think and occasionally guffaw. Then again, if you guys don’t bleed from your eyes, I’ll consider it a win.

They're coming.

If you like basketball and detest foreskins, I think you’ve found your man.

– Adonal Mohel

Dear Blogosphere, Let’s Take it Easy, Shall We?

11 Dec

“The perfect is the enemy of the good.”– Voltaire

“Lower your expectations and don’t blow your load too early.  Also have fun.”    –Bryant ‘Big Country’ Reeves

* * * * *

As I packed up my Mighty Max backpack on the very last day of 1st Grade, Ms. Slanowe had one final recommendation:

“You guys should keep journaling over the summer!  If anyone would like a brand new composition journal to take home, I’ll leave them by the door.”

“Aw, hell fuckin yeah,” I chirped.  I loved journaling about as much as I loved making paper mache howler monkeys.  (Howler monkeys?  Yep, howler monkeys.)

So I grabbed a journal and got to work the very next day.

NOTE:  What follows are actual, verbatim transcriptions of lil Petey’s journal entries

June 26, 1995.

Dear Journal,

Today is the first day for you and me.  Every day, I am going to write in you and also I hope that I will draw a picture on you.  There are a lot of pages so PLEASE don’t be angry if I use some for scrap paper.  We better be friendly because summer is long and you have a lot of pages!!!!!!!!!!!  I promise to write in you every day.

Love, PETEY

So meta, lil Petey

 

* * * * *

June 27, 1995.

Dear Journal,

Today I saw POWER RANGERS THE MOVIE.  I would give it three stars.  Seriously, it was pretty good!!!!!!!!  The Amazon Babe was very “attractive”. White Ranger is my favorite.  I will be honest that no one wants to be the blue ranger.  Here is my favorite scene.

Love, PETEY

PS ALSO dad took me to the arcade and I won a pink bear.  I’m better at claw machines than most children my age.

Self-Explanatory

* * * * *

June 28, 1995

Dear Journal,

I am very tired so I am going to bed.  I did buy a pog slammer here is a picture of a pog.

Love, PETEY

"A Lion King Pog," clearly illustrated

* * * * *

July 1, 1995

Dear Journal,

I AM SORRY

😦

I want to cry every time I see it.  Lofty expectations, a fast start, a solid follow-up, a distinct fall-off in quality caused by the pressures of (an eight-year-old) life, a hiatus, a futile attempt to save face…

and 95 blank pages.

As I sit here scanning copies of my now sixteen-year-old journal an hour before our self-imposed deadline (Cakes is a stickler!), I feel many of those same initial emotions.  The weight of a new project can daunt.

But this time, I’m lowering expectations.  The purpose of this blog:  to post more than 4 times.  Wish me luck.

December 8, 2010

Dear Blogosphere,

Today is the first day for you and me.  Once a week, I am going to drop mediocre-plus writing in you and also I hope that I will drop some amusing-plus youtube videos on you.  I got grown person shit to do so I will take you lightly and you will deal. Let’s just have a good time!!!!!!!!!!!  Can you handle that?  LET’S DO IT.

Moyle’s a bitch,

Pete the Peasant

P.S. FYI


My Four Reasons For Starting A Blog…

11 Dec

1) To share ideas

Easy concept. Pete, Mohel, and I are gonna talk about stuff. Hopefully some of it will be of interest to you. In the near future, we may also offer the chance for you to use this forum to share your ideas as well. Get pumped.

2) To practice the art of writing

In the words of a great scholar, we talkin’ about practice. I’ve recently decided that writing—much like reading, cooking, and administering a Cold Carl—is a good thing to do frequently, both for the enjoyment and knowledge gained from the act itself and for the sake of honing an important skill. So, in a way, this is a self-improvement scheme. I can’t promise good writing any more than I can promise a good Cold Carl, but, from now on, I’ll be practicing both online (check out our live webcam for the latter).

3) To document my youth

I’ve never kept a diary or a journal.  I’ve never even owned my own camera. In fact, the entire photographic history of my life has been taken through someone else’s lens. This means that most photos of me from college (or at least those on Facebook) were captured at social gatherings and consequently feature me making some warped intoxicated screaming face.

Twenty years from now, is this how I will remember my college days? I’d like to believe my memory will serve me better than that. But memory, by its very nature, is a work of fiction (even if it’s based on a true story). What was my life like at 17? At 13? At 8? Or, hell, even yesterday? I think I remember. Sort of. But do I?

With all this in mind, as I approach the ancient age of 23, I’m saddened to think I have very few tangible, representative mementos from my life thus far. It is my hope that these blog entries will help to rectify that. My online ramblings will form a diary of sorts, not in the sense that I’ll vent my most intimate secrets and emotions (in fact, I plan to talk almost exclusively about Lolcats), but in that it will be a permanent log of what I was thinking about and how I thought at this stage of my life.

I eagerly await the day when I’m 70-something and this post—this digital imprint of my brain’s workings at 3:27 pm on Saturday, December 11, 2010—is still floating around on the internet, when I can sit back in my nursing home chair and read this black-and-white, Times-New-Roman proof that I was indeed once 22 years old, living in Brooklyn, and very excited to be starting a blog.

4) To hang out

College was the best. That was some fun-ass shit. Now look at us. Vitamin C would be ashamed.

Less than six months ago, Pete, Mohel, and I were hanging out almost every day, living in a utopia where only an e-mail and five minutes of walking stood between us and a jovial cafeteria rendezvous. With our mouths half stuffed with fried meat and over-easy eggs, we’d gamely discuss our thoughts on Avatar vs. Hurt Locker, on Thousand Island vs. Russian, on Lady Gaga’s psyche, on Faye Reagan’s upbringing, on the rampant bastardization of the word “literally,” on the mainstreamification of “indie,” and, when I wasn’t there, on obscure basketball players with phonetically humorous names.

Oh, and for two years, we also talked about making a blog.

Until now, this idea had about as much chance of coming into fruition as did my goal of achieving meme fame as a freestyle rapper (which, by the way, I haven’t fully abandoned). Until now, our best attempt contained only two posts. But maybe, until now, we just didn’t have a good enough reason. Now that we’ve graduated and found ourselves distanced, no longer free to readily partake in that joyous banter and pontification—no longer free to hang out at a moment’s notice—we miss those fried-food gatherings. And so it is now that we’ve finally decided to do it, for real: We’re starting The Blog. We’ve taken to the interwebs to reunite. Here at The Humble Rumble, we’ve forged a virtual cafeteria table, around which we can once again gather as friends, embrace each other’s company, and (with plenty of hyperlinks!) proudly shoot the shit.

But there’s room at this table for everyone. So go ahead, pull up a chair. Grab a caloric breakfast sandwich. And join us.

We miss hanging out with you, too.

Vote On Your Favorite Entry

11 Dec

.

Thanks for reading. Come back soon.

Next week’s prompt: “Holidays”